It is NOT ok- Updates and rant!

I was going to start this post last night but I was just so incredibly exasperated that I just couldn’t see myself through a coherent and non-rage filled rant of a post so here we are today a little more calm and mildly less aggravated than I was last night.

First off to start on a good note my younger 2 started school last week and have settled in beautifully, my youngest started grade 1 and to see him blossom and just vibrate with enthusiasm this past week has been an incredibly wonderful thing to behold, I know that we made the right decision by choosing to put our youngest into a tutor centre instead of a public school, his class and the school itself is not too big and not too small and the environment is so incredibly supportive and welcoming I cannot wait to see him and my other son grow this year.

Now onto the not so great part of my post and of course this pertains to my eldest son, so of course my son was supposed to still be at the treatment centre until the end of this month and if you have read my previous post you will know that we had to get an emergency order to have removed from the centre due to negligence and assault and I did officially receive a letter from the department of social development stating that a formal investigation is underway and we have of course also reported a case to the police and this is also underway.

In the interim our social work has been instructed to find a new and decent placement because apparently there are plenty of those the information is just not freely available… I remain sceptical but in the meantime we are supposed to be navigating through his grade 7 year and I have been struggling with the department for 6 months trying in vain to find a solution because private schooling is not an option and as much as I am an advocate for home-schooling in the right circumstances we just cannot give enough time and care with both households working and other children who also need and deserve attention, it also lacks the social interaction needed to help our son through his issues, schooling with a facilitator which is what we were hoping for; it lended itself to controlled socialisation as well as an education.

It got to the point where our psychologist actually got into the car and drove out to the department himself this week because he could not get through to anyone, he had a meeting there and then called me to tell me about it, he also told me that they were not enthusiastic about our case and they were not willing to look at a schooling option even with a facilitator which quite honestly made my blood boil, I then received an email last night confirming a meeting time and that the meeting would be to discuss home-schooling.

I am sorry but what about both households working and it not being a viable option for me to leave my 12 year old Aspergers among other things son at home alone to navigate his own education do you not understand.

I am just so beyond my level of acceptance at this point, I have always been the mom who says its ok, the mom who would rather remove my child from the situation, the mom who has gone through every therapy both medical and alternative, every diet, who has followed the whim and instruction of every school, doctor and specialist I am just beyond pissed that there are children whose parents to be frank couldn’t give a flying hoot and children who couldn’t care less who are younger than my son who are drinking, smoking, having sex etc and they can be in school but not my son nope nada nope home-schooling is your only option it honestly just feels like they are saying well he has 3 more years to go until he is no longer our problem and schooling is no longer a legal requirement so you can just fuck off until then please and thank you.

This year I started off with a mind to change my mind set to look forward and stay positive I also set my mind to change the way I deal with things and to stop just saying its ok I understand to everything because that is what I do its ok I understand I will find something else, do something else every single time and I cannot anymore’, why should I, why should we?

If we had gotten the help and support we needed years ago we would most likely not be dealing with all of this but here we sit with nothing but apologies and excuses and I am quite frankly done and tired.

I responded with my concerns stating that if home-schooling is their own option that I hope they are ready with viable solutions to navigate the issues that I have brought forward and to be honest if they don’t or won’t help us in this regard I am going to take it further from a legal stand point and if I have to tell our story to all and sundry to get the help and attention we need then so be it but I am done with the lack of resources and support and I know it is not just our family, I am not going to stay quiet anymore…

2020

I classify as 2019 as a real shit show of a year, one I was more than happy to leave behind.

To have the hope that we were finally receiving the attention and help that we needed was an incredible feeling only to have that ripped away which was incredibly devastating.

The only upside of the situation was that we all got to spend Xmas together as a family, not having Loghan there was something I was really struggling with even more so as time when on and I was struggling to get through to the centre where he was and he was starting to verbalize his fears, I had nightmares of arriving at the centre and finding him gone or receiving a phone call that something terrible had happened or that he had done something to himself in order to get out and at the end of it all at that stage our hands were tied we were told when we went to court that procuring a court order meant that he was there until the end of the program full stop and that only another court order could have him released, given that it was December and all the social workers etc had gone on leave I was quite honestly sick with horror.

The day that we went to fetch him - court order in hand my heart fell to pieces when one of my younger sons asked why they needed to be dropped off at a colleague of mine, when I told him that we were going to fetch his brother and why (he had already witnessed how he looked during our visit 2 days prior), his remark shook me to the core when he said; well why did you put him there then?

Why? We trusted the people who ran the centre and the people who put him there we believed that we were finally getting help and that we were doing what was best for our son, we believed them when they said no cameras were allowed for the safety of the children and on and on it goes. As a parent we are supposed to protect our children and to feel that you were not able to and that you willingly sent your child into the situation that saw him hurt is just shattering.

But here we sit in 2020, a new year, a new decade so where to from here?

They have opened an investigation into the treatment my son and other children are enduring/ have endured at the centre and into the practices themselves, we have also lodged a case on a personal level against the centre; I spent the days leading up to Xmas in and out between the police station and Red Cross, my son had to have another HIV test done as well as a full body examination which isn’t exactly the nicest thing for anyone to endure.

We have been advised not to start home-schooling in the interim of looking at schooling options as we are once again on the waiting list for a facility although this time you can count on me doing a full run around and investigation before we get there, I don’t care who I need to deal with or where I need to find the information but I will.

At this point in time all of the social workers and most of the departments are still closed so we can do nothing but wait which is incredibly frustrating, this is supposed to be our sons senior year of primary school and we are not sure whether he is going to end up schooling at all this year which is fine if we are actually going to get the help but to sit and wait and not be sure and to be forced to place my son into the care of someone I don’t want to during the day so he will at least have someone watching him.

All I want for this year is my youngest to enjoy his first year of school with his older brother by his side and to get the help we need for my eldest so that we can start moving forward, put plans in place, start working on a management plan and start healing as a family.

I think I am over the anger, I was at one point feeling just so extremely angry and despondent; I think aside from the above the anger stemmed from all of the apologies from professionals, doctors etc- we are sorry the system failed you, we are sorry this has happened… I believe them I do but it does often feel like it’s a pass the buck it wasn’t my fault moment which probably isn’t fair but feels are feels right, we cannot help the way we feel and we are only human- it is what we do with that anger that counts.

Dealing with my anger means ensuring that the centre where Loghan was staying is investigated and that proper people and processes are put in place to ensure that the children there are kept safe and that they actually get help and that their best interests are what is taken to heart.

Dealing with my anger means launching a case that will not only see to it that the people who are responsible for those children and were responsible for my son are held accountable but will bring awareness to the fact that we are not the only family and this is not the only centre, the mental health system and the facilities and resources available are few and far between and grossly sub-par, children are being left behind, families are being torn apart and I refuse to accept this.

Dealing with my anger means being my sons advocate and making sure that this year we get the help we need.

There are so many days where I just feel like a sick joke but I cannot and will not give up.