Before I get into this post I want to preface this by saying that if you have a child whether they have special needs, behavioral problems or atypical, no parent is perfect no one has all the answers and as much as I have come across a fair amount of parental practices and ways that I would personally not implement with my own children, every family, every parent and child dynamic and relationship is different and no one can tell you that your decisions or choices are wrong just because they aren’t the same as they would have done (this goes without saying but this obviously excludes any behavior that could be or would be constituted as abusive or neglectful).
We have struggled over the years
to find the help we needed, I remember with great irony how one person told me
that they had screwed us over to put it mildly because they felt that this
would push the situation to gain the help we needed, it didn’t and hasn’t (no
surprise there), there just aren’t resources or facilities that are able to
cope, properly manage and treat Loghan’s case to the point where a group of
almost if not more than 30 of the best doctors within the psychiatric and
linked fields could not provide us with a solution or treatment plan they felt
could work.
With Loghan there are periods of
calm, periods of joy, times where you almost forget that he is as some would
put it different, to be fair we have raised him and therefore his traits and
behaviors are our normal. Like so many other families with special needs
children we have learned to read behaviors and silent languages, to pre-empt
melt downs and to handle social situations in a way that not all parents or
people will understand.
I have apologised to many a
person, friend, neighbor, teacher, classmate and/ or family member and often
times I feel that without explanation people may feel or think things that just
aren’t true, as Loghan has gotten older his meltdowns when confronted about
certain behaviors have become more physical and violent, I have spoken to
other parents in the same situation and unless you are in the situation or have
first-hand witnessed or been through it with your own child, friend or loved
one I cannot begin to explain the fear and anxiety that I have as my child
heads towards adulthood, these situations/incidents do not happen often but
when they do they are incredibly hard to manage and the solution from all
involved including his doctors and social worker has been to recommend that we
call the police.
Up until recently this is a
solution I have absolutely refused as I have had enough of an experience with
government institutions and such that the thought of putting my child and our
family into a situation that the police officer may not fully and probably will
not be able to understand is incredibly daunting, the thought of phoning the
police on my own child is also something that has scared me beyond any level.
However that changed this weekend
when my son became violent and my husband did end up calling the police to
request assistance, by the time they arrived the situation had calmed down but
the officers who were sent were great and they handled the situation very well,
speaking to my son before they left and explaining the consequences of his
behavior and future implications should they need to return for the same
issue, they checked whether we had a social worker and whether my son was receiving
treatment after we stated that he did have both mental health and behavioral
disorders, they went beyond the scope of the faith that I had instilled in them
and I am incredibly grateful for their assistance even if the situation had
died down when they arrived, I do believe that they have by being a physical
presence given my son a visual representation of the consequences of his
actions, one that he now understands and that by us taking this step he has
realised that we are not going to accept his behavior and any sort of physical
assault against any persons that he comes into contact with.
I am sharing this because I do
feel that as parents this is a step that will be frowned upon by many people or
that may be seen as over the top or misunderstood, I do not regret my husband’s
decision to call them and if I had to relive this situation I do not believe
that it could have played out any differently.
As a parent I have physically,
mentally and emotionally reached a point where I cannot rely on whether other
parents think that a decision we have made is right or not, we can only do what
we feel is best at the time given the situation at hand, I urge you if you are
a parent struggling with the judgement of others it isn’t about them it is
about you and your child and your family and only you can make that call and
choices, to gain another’s wisdom/ experience and opinion is great when it is someone’s
whose thoughts and opinions you value or when those suggestions or thoughts
some from professionals but at the end of the day I do feel that as parents we
fear the judgement of others and that we need to reach the understanding that at
the end of the day unless someone is walking in your shoes they do not know.
I do not know what lies ahead but
I know that we will fight and carry on until we find a treatment plan, until we
gain ground and progress as hard as it may be.
