My son was almost 5 years old
when it became incredibly apparent that we needed to seek further help and
advice when it came to his behavior, at this time he was already on every
single natural supplement I could get my hands on and we had incorporated a strict
routine and a host of activities into his day in order to alleviate the
constant need to move we were dealing with so that we could navigate the school
day without issue.
Our first port of call was an
education psychologist, an incredibly lovely and down to earth woman who Loghan
took to like a shot (he has always been more comfortable with and around woman
than men). We arranged for a 2 hour long assessment
after our initial meeting and when her report was complete she deduced that our
son had an incredibly high IQ, at that stage she would not give us the number
only a ball park avenue of where he fell within as she said that given parents
the exact numbers often leads to issues whereby too much pressure is placed on
the child. The thing is the number was irrelevant
to me I had always known he was clever, she did however point out that his EQ-
emotional intelligence (a highly controversial topic that not all doctors
believe exists) was significantly lower the problem lying in the gap that lay
between and the struggle of the individual to cope with that, Loghan has always
gravitated towards adult conversation and adult type topics when it comes to
conversations however he is so incredibly immature in so many ways. Most people tend to look at him and listen to
him and they will peg him for an older child his immaturity on a social level
does become apparent fairly quickly though and he is then pushed over to the
younger children, the problem is because his intelligence is so high and he
tends to want to communicate or at least attempt to on an adult level he doesn’t
fit in with the younger children either and gets pushed away by them as well.
The report also included a suggestion of referral to a psychiatrist or other
specialist for a possible ADHD diagnosis.
We took this report and were
recommended to a Pediatrician who specialized in the field of children with
behavioral issues and learning disorders, she very quickly agreed with the
diagnosis of ADHD and sent us off with a prescription for medication, my ex was
not happy he did not agree with the diagnosis and did not want to mediate our
son, in the end we had very little choice in order to get through school and
nothing else I had tried had helped (we even cut out sugar, gluten and dairy at
one point.)
This diagnosis may not have been
the start of our journey but it was our first official medically affirmed
diagnosis. I will admit looking back now that I had a much higher trust level
when it came to doctors and medical specialists I believed without question
that they knew what they were talking about and that we were not to question them
because we had not put the time and hard work in to gain the qualifications
that were clear proof that they knew exactly what they were doing. If I had to do it all again I would have
learned to trust my own instinct as well and not just the doctors words and
advise, yes I am a book fanatic so I went on to do so much of my own research
but if I could do things over I probably would have done even more research and
possibly even have sought out a second opinion before starting medication. I
believe without a doubt that many children need the meds and that it is not a
bad and evil thing when used correctly however I have also come to understand
that ADHD is a very easily given and over prescribed diagnosis and that
although it is undeniably a real thing parents should be more cautious when it
comes to schooling and medical advice surrounding the diagnosis of ADHD which
seems to be doled out to every child with an imagination or who finds it
difficult to concentrate with 40 kids in their class and one teacher.
This diagnosis was great in the
fact that it affirmed what I as a mother felt, that something was ‘amiss’ so to
say but once we had the label I found that all of a sudden that label became
him at school, he had an incredible grade R teacher and some great teachers
after that but when it came to how his behaviour as a whole was handled by the
school they were clearly in over their head when it came to children who didn’t
conform to the standard norm and I have since met sooooo many children girls
and boys who have left or been forced to leave that school because of their
barriers to learning or behavioural issues which is both sad and frustrating,
the way I look at is that you are expecting one underpaid and overworked
teacher who even with the best intentions and love is forced to navigate an
incredibly content heavy curriculum with no assistant and up to 40 kids in a
classroom, most children are going to find that kind of environment stressful
and are going to struggle to cope, add in some sort of behavioural or learning disability
and you have a recipe for disaster. Just look at how many children are on
medications these days for anxiety or anxiety related disorders and the numbers
are horrific!
My son only knew that there was
any sort of name for what he ‘had’ probably at around the age of 10 because up
until that point despite him being on medication we made a point of making sure
that he did not define himself by the label of ADHD or any label for that
matter, we also explained that having difficulties did not mean he could use
them as an excuse to get out of things or to get off lightly and that although
he may struggle in certain avenues he had so much to offer in other areas and
that taking advantage of his strengths would push him through his difficulties
and help him gain the support he craved and needed.
The world is cruel, children are
cruel and I can tell you that I for one am glad I did not grow up in today’s
world it is so incredibly difficult for our children and for us as adults.
I cannot change what has happened
or how we have handled things along the way but looking back I cannot believe
that one diagnosis could change our lives in so many ways.
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